What is frightening to me is that since I’m a huge believer in the traditional family (I’m blessed with a girl and two boys, a wife (not “spouse”) - an active Catholic and involved in my community...... in many circles I am considered a radical right-wing person. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS - it’s terrifying.
What is frightening to me is that since I’m a huge believer in the traditional family (I’m blessed with a girl and two boys, a wife (not “spouse”) - an active Catholic and involved in my community...... in many circles I am considered a radical right-wing person. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS - it’s terrifying.
Much of the decay of our world is due to the fact that the values of family, faith and community and being attacked, devalued and mocked (sprinkle in a lot of social media).
The action I’m taking is to treat people who want to judge - rather than understand - me with respect and calmness. If someone attacks me for my beliefs and way I live I’ll just say calmly, “I’m sorry you feel this way,” then ask questions about what is it that’s so offensive and then ask them about their beliefs and thoughts. It won’t work all the time, but In the few times I’ve tried this, it seems to deflate the tension and lead to calm, respectful exchanging of thoughts. M
Believe me, my friends, I am angry and want to scream and say “what planet are you living on?” but that just accelerates the circle of anger and that makes me no better than them. This is not a spoiler alert but as Ted Lasso said in one of the episodes, “seek to understand first before we judge.”
I feel if our response is to challenge them firmly but with calmness and kindness (yes that’s hard) it will start to turn the ship around. We raise this entire issue to a higher level of discourse.
I’m interested in what y’all think? Has anyone else tried an approach similar to mine? I’m curious what you think, my friends!
You at least sound like you practice what you preach. Growing up gay in a conservative town, I heard nothing but how sinful I was--from people who were on their 3rd marriage in many cases, from people who everyone knew were having affairs, etc. For a very long time, I became a cynic and learned that those who piously preach morality at others are often covering and trying to hide their own transgressions.
Social Media, especially Twitter, is an utter waste of time. It's an anger factory where you have to take a side. If you show any nuance at all, you're lumped into the right-wing or left-wing bucket, or ignored altogether. Everyone is better off never logging into Twitter, Tik Tok, or any of the social media platforms.
Since turning 40, I've met many people similar to you who sound like they ARE living honest lives and involved with their community out of a desire to help so I've softened a bit in terms of being open to people who disagree with me, but after finally getting to marry my spouse (yes, I do like that word) after 20+ years together, I will fight to keep MY family intact as I'm sure you would do for your own.
For as long as I can remember, I have pretty much gone my own way. I am pretty much supportive of any one who is the same. People needing to recruit others to their own point of view, is all around us. They have stopped talking to me because I don’t want to be recruited to their cause, that’s their loss. And in my opinion at least pretty in mature.
It sounds as if you have reached some sort of accomodation with people around you. I’m glad for you as it can be tough being different. But at the same time it defines who you are.
Just like any friendships and acquaintanceships, you learn that there are some topics you just don't talk about because you'll never agree. I'm in a unique situation that I think is rare in the U.S. these days. My town is split almost evenly between R's and D's. Most people are middle of the road and we just don't talk politics. It also helps that the main concern is keeping the roads paved and clean, maintaining the parks, and having a good police and fire department. That doesn't leave a lot of time for grandstanding about transgender issues or building a wall with Mexico.
I applaud your approach to dealing with social bullies, yes that’s what they are. I can see you are a committed Christian man. However “turning the other cheek” is not always the best approach. You can walk away and disconnect your self from them. If they try to cancel your own Personel believes. A last resort is to take the fight back to them. I know this is hard. I credit two years at a Catholic boarding school, with toughening me up and learning how to defend my self verbally. These day any one who wants to socially attack me had better be well armed, because I will be when I retaliate. Look for ways to sharpen your debating skills and gain self confidence
Thank you for your thoughtful post. You are correct, sometimes I need to fight back. I guess it depends on the relationship I have with the person I’m interacting with. It feels most natural for me to take the gentler approach and generally that’s my default response and it’s been successful for me as I’ve been told by people in my community that my voice has influence.
However, I do have experience in dropping the gloves so to speak - and I’m not afraid to punch back hard when necessary. I don’t believe I communicated that in my original post.
Thank you again for your thoughtful post and I will get my hockey stick and gloves out and be ready to brawl if need be. :-)
What is frightening to me is that since I’m a huge believer in the traditional family (I’m blessed with a girl and two boys, a wife (not “spouse”) - an active Catholic and involved in my community...... in many circles I am considered a radical right-wing person. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS - it’s terrifying.
Much of the decay of our world is due to the fact that the values of family, faith and community and being attacked, devalued and mocked (sprinkle in a lot of social media).
The action I’m taking is to treat people who want to judge - rather than understand - me with respect and calmness. If someone attacks me for my beliefs and way I live I’ll just say calmly, “I’m sorry you feel this way,” then ask questions about what is it that’s so offensive and then ask them about their beliefs and thoughts. It won’t work all the time, but In the few times I’ve tried this, it seems to deflate the tension and lead to calm, respectful exchanging of thoughts. M
Believe me, my friends, I am angry and want to scream and say “what planet are you living on?” but that just accelerates the circle of anger and that makes me no better than them. This is not a spoiler alert but as Ted Lasso said in one of the episodes, “seek to understand first before we judge.”
I feel if our response is to challenge them firmly but with calmness and kindness (yes that’s hard) it will start to turn the ship around. We raise this entire issue to a higher level of discourse.
I’m interested in what y’all think? Has anyone else tried an approach similar to mine? I’m curious what you think, my friends!
Have a nice day everyone.
John
You at least sound like you practice what you preach. Growing up gay in a conservative town, I heard nothing but how sinful I was--from people who were on their 3rd marriage in many cases, from people who everyone knew were having affairs, etc. For a very long time, I became a cynic and learned that those who piously preach morality at others are often covering and trying to hide their own transgressions.
Social Media, especially Twitter, is an utter waste of time. It's an anger factory where you have to take a side. If you show any nuance at all, you're lumped into the right-wing or left-wing bucket, or ignored altogether. Everyone is better off never logging into Twitter, Tik Tok, or any of the social media platforms.
Since turning 40, I've met many people similar to you who sound like they ARE living honest lives and involved with their community out of a desire to help so I've softened a bit in terms of being open to people who disagree with me, but after finally getting to marry my spouse (yes, I do like that word) after 20+ years together, I will fight to keep MY family intact as I'm sure you would do for your own.
For as long as I can remember, I have pretty much gone my own way. I am pretty much supportive of any one who is the same. People needing to recruit others to their own point of view, is all around us. They have stopped talking to me because I don’t want to be recruited to their cause, that’s their loss. And in my opinion at least pretty in mature.
It sounds as if you have reached some sort of accomodation with people around you. I’m glad for you as it can be tough being different. But at the same time it defines who you are.
Just like any friendships and acquaintanceships, you learn that there are some topics you just don't talk about because you'll never agree. I'm in a unique situation that I think is rare in the U.S. these days. My town is split almost evenly between R's and D's. Most people are middle of the road and we just don't talk politics. It also helps that the main concern is keeping the roads paved and clean, maintaining the parks, and having a good police and fire department. That doesn't leave a lot of time for grandstanding about transgender issues or building a wall with Mexico.
I applaud your approach to dealing with social bullies, yes that’s what they are. I can see you are a committed Christian man. However “turning the other cheek” is not always the best approach. You can walk away and disconnect your self from them. If they try to cancel your own Personel believes. A last resort is to take the fight back to them. I know this is hard. I credit two years at a Catholic boarding school, with toughening me up and learning how to defend my self verbally. These day any one who wants to socially attack me had better be well armed, because I will be when I retaliate. Look for ways to sharpen your debating skills and gain self confidence
Hi Steve,
Thank you for your thoughtful post. You are correct, sometimes I need to fight back. I guess it depends on the relationship I have with the person I’m interacting with. It feels most natural for me to take the gentler approach and generally that’s my default response and it’s been successful for me as I’ve been told by people in my community that my voice has influence.
However, I do have experience in dropping the gloves so to speak - and I’m not afraid to punch back hard when necessary. I don’t believe I communicated that in my original post.
Thank you again for your thoughtful post and I will get my hockey stick and gloves out and be ready to brawl if need be. :-)
Have a great day!
John