One of my family members worked at a library in Los Angeles were staff could not suspend a person that says they hope you get raped or murdered, because the person who says those things probably had trauma in their life so they get a pass.
My daughter is submerged in this mess thanks to her therapist and has cut off contact with us for the past two years. I have no idea what to do about this. All I can do is pray that she will come out the other side one day.
I was loving this article, but was kind of surprised that the only examples of this kind of therapy going wrong were extreme examples of therapists inserting violent memories into children. I feel like there must be more common, and more directly connected bad practices associated with this understanding of trauma. Felt like it was a weird turn for the article to take
Remembering the McMartin preschool trial and the rabbit-hole that took us down. Sadly, adult child-parent estrangement is epidemic (some estimate 1 in 4 Americans), with little attention given to the harmful long-term consequences of estrangement on both generations. The word "toxic" is the encouraged adjective for any number of uncomfortable childhood situations, however slight. Given this, it's no surprise people in this country have relationship issues, lacking skills needed to resolve sticky situations found within every family experience. Celeb horrors; Roseanne, Angelina, Harry, etc. While anything is possible and horrific abuse certainly exists, one can't deny the fodder these claims have made for talk shows, leaving viewers digging deep for something traumatic that they too can find relatable, real or imagined. The path of least resistance and growth not gained when choosing it.
It's the lack of healthy, nurturing relationships — in families, in neighborhoods, in schools, in communities — that amplifies the toxins released when humans respond to events that threaten well-being, and a lot of it happens in utero and early childhood. Without empathy (healthy, nurturing relationships) from others in the form care, discipline, structure, attention, rewards, etc., the combination of chronic release of these toxins and the human brain's amazing ability to adapt sets patterns in physiology and psychology that can be difficult to recognize and disrupt. I try not to use the word "trauma" when I talk to people about this stuff, but it's not an alluring but a spurious notion that has infiltrated our culture, but rather the so-called "thought leaders" always have to prove they're smarter than everybody else.
I suspect that once Harry’s own kids are old enough to criticize how he raised them, he might have more empathy for his father. Charles has more flaws than I have the time and energy to list, but he was more affectionate with his sons than his parents were with him, and no one is prepared for the sudden death of their children’s other parent.
Its all about , ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.
I also think it's more dangerous to become the kind of person who views one's entire life through the lens of trauma and victimhood. Yes, trauma happens (including to me). Face it, deal with it, reckon with it. Move past it. Don't let one event (or even many traumatic events) in the past define your future.
Then again, every human interaction I don't like is not trauma. So,
Dear Lord, I wish it was this easy. I would go to therapy every single day to get rid of the chronic pain I feel daily if I thought it would help. Because my young childhood was filled with traumatic events, I created for myself a world of traumatic events throughout my life. It's been traumatic. But. But. But. I have managed to be married for 25 years, raise 2 decent adults, and enjoy my life 90% of the time. I'm different, sure. Seems like my "trauma" would've put me in this state of constant bodily pain long before aged 35 if it were true.
Wait, his father didn't hug him? Get a life, Harry, you privileged little turd. My dad, a 20-something during the Depression worked his ass off to support himself, his mother and lazy-ass father, his brother. He took "the strap" to me and my brothers when we got out of line. Didn't hug us. Worked all his life, was able with a low level supervisor's job save money and retire with my mom without financial worry. Both my parents were what you'd call "distant" in an emotional sense. That was then. I have been more demonstrably affectionate to my own offspring. But tried to teach them the work and save lessons from my parents. All my kids are doing well and working their own lives without any discernible emotional scars. What a narcissistic little cuckholded prig he is.
How did our ancestors survive the trauma of saber tooth lions or the plundering of villages ? It’s a wonder humans are still here and intact. Well, maybe just still here.
"But I also worry about luring people down the psychological path of least resistance. After all, the trauma narrative provides several comforts: a tidy origin story; a self-justifying narrative for those ashamed of their behavior; and the balm of exoneration that comes with victimhood."
If this Mate moron is correct, then fuck Harry and all the rest. I wonder how the hell the people of Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan are holding up...
America needs a "Psychiatrists without borders" to clean up the fucking trauma it has wrought on others.
What a much needed voice in this conversation! I recently heard Mate for the first time on a podcast. He’s intelligent and speaks clearly, so I can see how convincing he might be. However, the logic breaks down incredibly rapidly. He spoke of trauma to young children when they don’t get what they need, but all of us with very young children know that they don’t have clear conceptions of their needs. This is why adults need to care for them, set boundaries, choose their diets, etc. I think no one would argue that denying a toddler a second pint of ice cream would be abuse, but to a toddler it might feel like it. The perceived trauma can even be extreme for children. I’ve seen my child hyperventilate in her toddlerhood over not getting a balloon. What I’m trying to say is that our perceptions and reactions to things might not be equal or even in the same ballpark as the harm caused by them. This is why such a subjective approach to trauma would make ALL of us severely traumatized and likely to have some kind of mental disorder manifested or lurking in our minds, waiting to pounce. Broad statements like “a child being neglected” will develop “disorders” is absolutely like a psychic or palm reader with broad, universal appeal. Specific examples of child abuse with evidence backed claims, such as “children who are beaten are more likely to become violent, as evidenced by x,” are not as fun, sexy, splashy— and most importantly, are not relevant to the broad w swath of people buying pop psychology books.
One of my family members worked at a library in Los Angeles were staff could not suspend a person that says they hope you get raped or murdered, because the person who says those things probably had trauma in their life so they get a pass.
My daughter is submerged in this mess thanks to her therapist and has cut off contact with us for the past two years. I have no idea what to do about this. All I can do is pray that she will come out the other side one day.
I was loving this article, but was kind of surprised that the only examples of this kind of therapy going wrong were extreme examples of therapists inserting violent memories into children. I feel like there must be more common, and more directly connected bad practices associated with this understanding of trauma. Felt like it was a weird turn for the article to take
Remembering the McMartin preschool trial and the rabbit-hole that took us down. Sadly, adult child-parent estrangement is epidemic (some estimate 1 in 4 Americans), with little attention given to the harmful long-term consequences of estrangement on both generations. The word "toxic" is the encouraged adjective for any number of uncomfortable childhood situations, however slight. Given this, it's no surprise people in this country have relationship issues, lacking skills needed to resolve sticky situations found within every family experience. Celeb horrors; Roseanne, Angelina, Harry, etc. While anything is possible and horrific abuse certainly exists, one can't deny the fodder these claims have made for talk shows, leaving viewers digging deep for something traumatic that they too can find relatable, real or imagined. The path of least resistance and growth not gained when choosing it.
Discussing trauma is "woke."
It's the lack of healthy, nurturing relationships — in families, in neighborhoods, in schools, in communities — that amplifies the toxins released when humans respond to events that threaten well-being, and a lot of it happens in utero and early childhood. Without empathy (healthy, nurturing relationships) from others in the form care, discipline, structure, attention, rewards, etc., the combination of chronic release of these toxins and the human brain's amazing ability to adapt sets patterns in physiology and psychology that can be difficult to recognize and disrupt. I try not to use the word "trauma" when I talk to people about this stuff, but it's not an alluring but a spurious notion that has infiltrated our culture, but rather the so-called "thought leaders" always have to prove they're smarter than everybody else.
I suspect that once Harry’s own kids are old enough to criticize how he raised them, he might have more empathy for his father. Charles has more flaws than I have the time and energy to list, but he was more affectionate with his sons than his parents were with him, and no one is prepared for the sudden death of their children’s other parent.
Its all about , ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.
I also think it's more dangerous to become the kind of person who views one's entire life through the lens of trauma and victimhood. Yes, trauma happens (including to me). Face it, deal with it, reckon with it. Move past it. Don't let one event (or even many traumatic events) in the past define your future.
Then again, every human interaction I don't like is not trauma. So,
Reading Myths of Trauma : Why Adversity Does Not Necessarily Make Us Sick by Joel Paris – highly recommend this excellent book.
Dear Lord, I wish it was this easy. I would go to therapy every single day to get rid of the chronic pain I feel daily if I thought it would help. Because my young childhood was filled with traumatic events, I created for myself a world of traumatic events throughout my life. It's been traumatic. But. But. But. I have managed to be married for 25 years, raise 2 decent adults, and enjoy my life 90% of the time. I'm different, sure. Seems like my "trauma" would've put me in this state of constant bodily pain long before aged 35 if it were true.
Wait, his father didn't hug him? Get a life, Harry, you privileged little turd. My dad, a 20-something during the Depression worked his ass off to support himself, his mother and lazy-ass father, his brother. He took "the strap" to me and my brothers when we got out of line. Didn't hug us. Worked all his life, was able with a low level supervisor's job save money and retire with my mom without financial worry. Both my parents were what you'd call "distant" in an emotional sense. That was then. I have been more demonstrably affectionate to my own offspring. But tried to teach them the work and save lessons from my parents. All my kids are doing well and working their own lives without any discernible emotional scars. What a narcissistic little cuckholded prig he is.
How did our ancestors survive the trauma of saber tooth lions or the plundering of villages ? It’s a wonder humans are still here and intact. Well, maybe just still here.
From the story...
"But I also worry about luring people down the psychological path of least resistance. After all, the trauma narrative provides several comforts: a tidy origin story; a self-justifying narrative for those ashamed of their behavior; and the balm of exoneration that comes with victimhood."
If this Mate moron is correct, then fuck Harry and all the rest. I wonder how the hell the people of Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan are holding up...
America needs a "Psychiatrists without borders" to clean up the fucking trauma it has wrought on others.
Harry is a fucking asshole.
Two candidates for comment of the day:
"I wonder how the hell the people of Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan are holding up..."
and
"Harry is a fucking asshole."
What a much needed voice in this conversation! I recently heard Mate for the first time on a podcast. He’s intelligent and speaks clearly, so I can see how convincing he might be. However, the logic breaks down incredibly rapidly. He spoke of trauma to young children when they don’t get what they need, but all of us with very young children know that they don’t have clear conceptions of their needs. This is why adults need to care for them, set boundaries, choose their diets, etc. I think no one would argue that denying a toddler a second pint of ice cream would be abuse, but to a toddler it might feel like it. The perceived trauma can even be extreme for children. I’ve seen my child hyperventilate in her toddlerhood over not getting a balloon. What I’m trying to say is that our perceptions and reactions to things might not be equal or even in the same ballpark as the harm caused by them. This is why such a subjective approach to trauma would make ALL of us severely traumatized and likely to have some kind of mental disorder manifested or lurking in our minds, waiting to pounce. Broad statements like “a child being neglected” will develop “disorders” is absolutely like a psychic or palm reader with broad, universal appeal. Specific examples of child abuse with evidence backed claims, such as “children who are beaten are more likely to become violent, as evidenced by x,” are not as fun, sexy, splashy— and most importantly, are not relevant to the broad w swath of people buying pop psychology books.
“The only antidote to trauma is resilience.”
- L. Edge
I know I’m paraphrasing, so sue me. This is going in my book of favorite quotes. Thank you for your thoughtful and informed comments.