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→ No, Trump does not work at McDonald’s: Donald J. Trump this week took a break from selling Trump Coins and Trump Bibles to do a campaign stunt at a McDonald’s in Feasterville, Pennsylvania. There, he donned a blue apron and learned fry frying techniques while cameras rolled. He went to the takeout window and handed out burgers to giddy supporters. It was pretty standard retail politics, like when politicians in England pull pints or in France, where I assume they disclose an affair. It’s called appealing to the average voter. No one was confused about what was happening. No one needed to get upset. But watching Trump eke past Kamala in the latest polls in this very tight race, the mainstream media could not let McDonald’s stand. First of all: Did you know the photo shoot was staged and that Trump does not actually work at McDonald’s?
That’s right. You caught them: The campaign planned ahead to have the former president come to a McDonald’s franchise. He didn’t even apply through the online portal to become a member of the crew. And did you know his technique was bad? Horrible. Here’s The New York Times explaining that the former president is not good at making fries: “After Donald Trump served fast food during a campaign stop at a McDonald’s, several actual McDonald’s workers who examined a video of his performance earned mixed reviews from workers and patrons alike.” He also threw salt over his shoulder, which was against health codes. Someone appoint a special prosecutor immediately.
Did you know that doing a campaign stop at a fast-food joint is not like actually working at a fast-food joint? MSNBC needs to make sure. Next we’re going to have a special edition investigating whether the tooth fairy is just your mom.
Soon, that particular McDonald’s was flooded with negative reviews on Yelp. Its health records were plumbed. Major media outlets reported on how that McDonald’s had employees who had been cited for not having “hands clean and properly washed.” Every mainstream reporter in America grabbed their satchel and ran to that McDonald’s in Feasterville and asked a Happy Meal toy for a comment. Soon, we’ll know the racist history of the word feast and also ville. Soon, the mayor of Feasterville will be exposed for an affair from 15 years ago. If you live in the vicinity of this McDonald’s, all I can say is do not answer the door. It’s CNN knocking and they want to call you fat and they just have a few questions about that mobile order you placed last Thursday night.
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