TGIF: Super Heavy Booster

Welcome back. Monday is a Free Press “retreat,” by which I mean the entire team is coming to the New York office for a day. Spoiler alert: It’s a mistake to invite the Floridians. Bari insists we hire a magician to make dinner special one night, to which I say “No, and also we should do a cash bar.” Here, I can do the card trick myself: Oh look the card’s gone, how are you planning on hitting your Q4 numbers? No plan? Give me back your second slice of pizza. 

→ Sinwar: I know you’re here for my thoughts and condolences for the felled Hamas leader, Yahya Sinwar. Obviously, please read our latest by Matti Friedman for that. All I’ll say is that as a Columbia University graduate and a #GayForHamas, my progress flag is at half-staff. 

Here’s a Washington Post investigations reporter explaining that Israel getting Sinwar actually shows how wrong Israel was: “Would be interesting if Sinwar were killed in this seemingly chance encounter, with less than a handful of guards, and not underground surrounded by hostages as Israeli government sources regularly told the media.” Yes, see, the IDF said they were having trouble killing Sinwar because he was underground and surrounded by hostages, but then they killed him when he came above ground and didn’t have hostages. An Israel fail if there ever was one! Anyway, goodnight ruthless terrorist who slaughtered innocents, the sweet prince of Harvard Yard. 

→ Is this legal? Kamala Harris this week announced a new initiative to lure black male voters. Some context: Her polling among black men is surprisingly weak. Only 73 percent of black men say they will support Harris, the lowest margin of support for a Democratic candidate in the past three cycles (Biden won 87 percent of the black male vote). Obama chastised them last week, telling the “brothers” he was speaking to that their support of Trump is probably rooted in his skill at “putting women down”—something Obama apparently thinks resonates with black men but offends even me. Obama added: “Part of it makes me think that, well, you aren’t feeling the idea of having a woman as president and you’re coming up with other alternatives and other reasons for that.” So it’s mommy issues? To try and win over black men, Kamala dropped a new policy on KamalaHarris.com:

Is that paying off voters? And is it legal to offer government loans just for one race? I’m not a constitutional scholar (in my heart I feel I am, but I’m trying to seem relatable), but even I know that feels illegal. Soon after Kamala’s announcement, she walked it back. Whoops, the loans are actually open for everyone, not just black men. But she and her team always knew that.

She also included an initiative for cryptocurrency in the proposal. I didn’t think of crypto as a black guy–specific issue. I actually think more of very small, pale men who over-rely on their microwave. But now I’m really curious. 

Meanwhile, a pro-Kamala group called “Creatives for Harris” put out a new ad meant to appeal to men who might be on the fence about voting for Kamala Harris. The actors they hired to play the men look like men, yes, well done. One is super fat and one has a beard, to indicate maleness. But the script was so clearly written by women, probably over some Sweetgreen, and it’s so bad it’s charming. Here are real lines from the guys in the ad (or what the ladies at “Creatives for Kamala” imagine men talk like): 

I’m a man. I’m a man. I’m a man. I’m a man, man. I’m man enough to enjoy a barrel proof bourbon. Neat. I’m man enough to dead-lift 500 and braid the shit out of my daughter’s hair. You think I’m afraid to rebuild a carburetor? I eat carburetors for breakfast. I ain’t afraid of bears: That’s what bear hugs are for. I’m not afraid of women. A woman wants to be president? Well, I hope she has the guts to look me right in the eye and accept my full-throated endorsement. Because I’m man enough to support women. Man enough to know what kind of donuts I like. I’m man enough to raw-dog a flight. I’m man enough to be emotional in front of my wife, in front of my kids, in front of my horse. 

Something about full-throated, raw-dogging, and crying in front of the horse makes me really uncomfortable. This isn’t an ad for someone who has ever met a straight man, let alone interacted with one. If it were, it would be communicated in grunts. 

We promise there’ll be no mention of crying in front of a horse on our next Free Press Live, which is happening this morning at 9:30 ET, hosted by Michael Moynihan and featuring Mike Pesca, Francesca Block, Batya Ungar-Sargon, Jonathan Conricus, Rupa Subramanya, and others discussing the news of the week (which I explained was my job but no one seemed to listen). Tune in here!

→ Speaking of crypto and our presidential candidates: Donald J. Trump is hawking another product this week, and it’s faker than ever. Profoundly fake. It’s a World Liberty Financial “token” that you can buy and put in your “wallet.” The tagline is: “Shape a New Era of Finance: Be DeFiant.” And: “The only DeFi platform inspired by Donald J. Trump.” 

This may feel implausible eighteen days out from the election, but no matter. Here’s the Republican front-runner selling it hard with a video, standing before his American flags, that now are just his weekly scam flags. 

The World Liberty Financial token cannot be used as a currency. You cannot sell it or trade it. All buying a World Liberty Financial token allows is for you to vote in World Liberty Financial matters. Even within the world of scam cryptocurrencies, this is unfathomably scammy. Because usually crypto tokens can be bought and sold. That’s kind of the whole point of them.

Not these:

All $WLFI will be non-transferable and locked indefinitely in a wallet or smart contract. You should think of your purchase of Tokens like other non-refundable purchases of goods and services and accept the risk that once you’ve paid the purchase price, your interest in the Token may decline and you have no expectation of resale of the Token. 

It’s like dealing snake oil to imaginary friends. It’s like debating how many magic beans your fairy dust is worth. It’s fake wrapped in crazy. 

Here is our First Family of World Liberty Financial:

Leaving aside the fact that Chase Herro has both the name and vibe of a Sim—imagine being so distrusted by your dad, the president, that instead of making you an ambassador to Greece or Italy, you get to be ambassador to Web3. 

Now, I was talking about this with the great Michael Moynihan, who said to me: “Isn’t it weird we have a potential president selling things like he’s on QVC?” Moynihan, as usual, is wrong. Because QVC has standards. QVC sells something that is maybe a crappy lamp, but it’s still a lamp. It turns on. The lumpy sweater is still a sweater. Remember when Trump announced trading cards that weren’t cards at all, but digital images? You could “buy” a digital image of a card. See, QVC has standards, it has a Beanie Baby with historical provenance, and a heel that turns into a flat. A cryptocurrency that’s not even a cryptocurrency? QVC would never.