Father of eight here (yes, all with the same wife). 40 some years ago I fell in love with a marvelous woman who enjoyed being single, had a lot of friends, and was a terrific primary school teacher. A very loving person, having babies and raising them in a good marriage grew her even more loving. Now she is a terrific grandma. We made a lot of sacrificial decisions regarding careers and standard of living, in order to focus on a stable family life. We have no regrets, only gratitude, even though it was hardly ever easy and things did not always turn out the way we hoped and planned. Raising those kids did not hinder our self-development, but helped us become more fully who we were intended to be. Empty-nesters now, and retired, we don't have a lot of money, but we can still choose carefully how to have fun. And grand-kids to spoil. Thank God we were open to life. And thank you for an inspiring article.
I love this. We had four, including our oldest who is on the spectrum and was, and continues to be, a massive challenge. If I could do it over, however, I think I would probably have had more. God bless you and your brood!
Thank you for such respect. I think faith is like the wind. We do not see it with human eyes. We simply see and experience the effects of it on ourselves and others. If it results in love, true love which is willing to sacrifice for others, we believe it to originate in God. Much of what is seen between people in this way thus accurately represents God, despite the absence of any religion. Religion is not God. God is God. Religion at its best, only serves what already exists, that is, man’s intimate and direct relationship with God. It can concretise it for people. Based on my experience, it’s all as simple as resonance with love. But I also believe in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist. I am Catholic.
We have six, too. Agree totally with the statement 'once you start having kids with a guy you love it's hard to stop'. Five and six were big surprises. the whole thing is so creative, so full of love. Now they're in their 20s and it's hilarious to watch them hanging out together, doing papers for each other, (bad, i know, but that's what they did in college), finding jobs, evaluating dating partners, and of course, planning for Christmas. Also agree the statement that it's not as expensive as everyone thinks if you're ok with free hiking, gardens, forests, picnics and lots of games and projects. My youngest had her first baby and called me saying, 'how did you entertain us?' I said, "Remember lilac hunting? you think I wanted to find lilacs?" They're definitely a tribe and I thank God we accidentally had each one of them. Our son likes to brag that he was the only planned child. We respond by saying 'We only had you so the oldest had someone to play with.' Yep. it's like that. A blast.
When I compare my life, as a married father of 4, to my childless 4 brothers and sisters whom I love dearly, I often wonder where my siblings access the truly foundational happiness and rewards of satisfaction that arise from raising children. I can’t imagine a more pure and authentic source of love and worry about their overall life fulfillment. I’m the lucky one.
Beautifully written! We have 4 kids. After years of infertility we adopted 3 children and have a 16yo biological child. When people make the "your hands are full" comment I reply "Better than empty!"
Having one child was easy, we were on auto pilot but I wanted to live a FULL life. Tears and joy, all of it. I am now living that full life and it is so challenging but the best use of my time for sure.
I have a wonderful group of mom friends. We all have at least 4 kids, one family has 11! They are the most caring families. By not being the center of their parents universe the kids happily live to serve each other. This is a tone set by the parents of course who are themselves very selfless and gentle. These large families are the hope for the future. Their kids know what it is to live in community. They have to wait their turn. They are an inspiration for me. They are still totally normal families with bickering and bedtime BS but overall it is so positive and life affirming.
Beautifully written! We have 4 kids. After years of infertility we adopted 3 children and have a 16yo biological child. When people make the "your hands are full" comment I reply "Better than empty!"
Having one child was easy, we were on auto pilot but I wanted to live a FULL life. Tears and joy, all of it. I am now living that full life and it is so challenging but the best use of my time for sure.
I have a wonderful group of mom friends. We all have at least 4 kids, one family has 11! They are the most caring families. By not being the center of their parents universe the kids happily live to serve each other. This is a tone set by the parents of course who are themselves very selfless and gentle. These large families are the hope for the future. Their kids know what it is to live in community. They have to wait their turn. They are an inspiration for me. They are still totally normal families with bickering and bedtime BS but overall it is so positive and life affirming.
FWIW, I found this a lovely article. I don't have kids and, at age 66, am still happy with that decision. But I am equally happy that those who DO want kids and treat them right---an important must---have all they can handle and then some. I enjoy being around large families, there's a life spark that's fun and stimulating. But for me, living in my own head works fine. There is no "right" call on this issue, there's only what works for you. Looking down on anyone for having kids or not having kids is sad.
“But those arguing for protecting the Earth by not making babies are just existing on Earth, not living in it.”....OMG, I love this statement so much! I have only one child (two miscarriages after her, and then too old), but she is by far the best decision I’ve ever made!
This post is making me cry. I enjoyed my three so very much and would have loved to have more. My fortunate husband had five and loved every minute. I adore my four grandkids and his twelve. I just picked up "How to Destroy Western Civilization" and the first paragraphs states that the only way to save it is to have more children! Baby boomers and those who came after were sold a bill of goods by the anti-family culture. "Marriage is a trap set by women." "Children are a burden." Before Hugh Hefner and the resource Nazis, marriage and children were considered life's greatest blessings. Men were thrilled that they could "win" the prize of a woman who would agree to be their wife. Thank you for your wisdom, courage, and clear grasp of reality in these fuzzy, doomsday-oriented days.
All the best to you, Bethany and your growing family. My husband and I have raised four children and it has been the greatest joy and honor of my life. They are grown now and are just lovely people that I love spending time with as much as possible. Children are a gift from God and mine continually make me a better person. Enjoy every moment. The days are long but somehow the years go fast.
Father of eight here (yes, all with the same wife). 40 some years ago I fell in love with a marvelous woman who enjoyed being single, had a lot of friends, and was a terrific primary school teacher. A very loving person, having babies and raising them in a good marriage grew her even more loving. Now she is a terrific grandma. We made a lot of sacrificial decisions regarding careers and standard of living, in order to focus on a stable family life. We have no regrets, only gratitude, even though it was hardly ever easy and things did not always turn out the way we hoped and planned. Raising those kids did not hinder our self-development, but helped us become more fully who we were intended to be. Empty-nesters now, and retired, we don't have a lot of money, but we can still choose carefully how to have fun. And grand-kids to spoil. Thank God we were open to life. And thank you for an inspiring article.
I love this. We had four, including our oldest who is on the spectrum and was, and continues to be, a massive challenge. If I could do it over, however, I think I would probably have had more. God bless you and your brood!
Thank you for such respect. I think faith is like the wind. We do not see it with human eyes. We simply see and experience the effects of it on ourselves and others. If it results in love, true love which is willing to sacrifice for others, we believe it to originate in God. Much of what is seen between people in this way thus accurately represents God, despite the absence of any religion. Religion is not God. God is God. Religion at its best, only serves what already exists, that is, man’s intimate and direct relationship with God. It can concretise it for people. Based on my experience, it’s all as simple as resonance with love. But I also believe in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist. I am Catholic.
We have six, too. Agree totally with the statement 'once you start having kids with a guy you love it's hard to stop'. Five and six were big surprises. the whole thing is so creative, so full of love. Now they're in their 20s and it's hilarious to watch them hanging out together, doing papers for each other, (bad, i know, but that's what they did in college), finding jobs, evaluating dating partners, and of course, planning for Christmas. Also agree the statement that it's not as expensive as everyone thinks if you're ok with free hiking, gardens, forests, picnics and lots of games and projects. My youngest had her first baby and called me saying, 'how did you entertain us?' I said, "Remember lilac hunting? you think I wanted to find lilacs?" They're definitely a tribe and I thank God we accidentally had each one of them. Our son likes to brag that he was the only planned child. We respond by saying 'We only had you so the oldest had someone to play with.' Yep. it's like that. A blast.
Couldn’t love an article more! I have two but wanted many more, parenting has been the absolute highlight of my life.
When I compare my life, as a married father of 4, to my childless 4 brothers and sisters whom I love dearly, I often wonder where my siblings access the truly foundational happiness and rewards of satisfaction that arise from raising children. I can’t imagine a more pure and authentic source of love and worry about their overall life fulfillment. I’m the lucky one.
Wonderful article
God bless you.
Think of the great things that your children will do for the world!!
We stopped at 5, but wish we would have had more.
Beautifully written! We have 4 kids. After years of infertility we adopted 3 children and have a 16yo biological child. When people make the "your hands are full" comment I reply "Better than empty!"
Having one child was easy, we were on auto pilot but I wanted to live a FULL life. Tears and joy, all of it. I am now living that full life and it is so challenging but the best use of my time for sure.
I have a wonderful group of mom friends. We all have at least 4 kids, one family has 11! They are the most caring families. By not being the center of their parents universe the kids happily live to serve each other. This is a tone set by the parents of course who are themselves very selfless and gentle. These large families are the hope for the future. Their kids know what it is to live in community. They have to wait their turn. They are an inspiration for me. They are still totally normal families with bickering and bedtime BS but overall it is so positive and life affirming.
Beautifully written! We have 4 kids. After years of infertility we adopted 3 children and have a 16yo biological child. When people make the "your hands are full" comment I reply "Better than empty!"
Having one child was easy, we were on auto pilot but I wanted to live a FULL life. Tears and joy, all of it. I am now living that full life and it is so challenging but the best use of my time for sure.
I have a wonderful group of mom friends. We all have at least 4 kids, one family has 11! They are the most caring families. By not being the center of their parents universe the kids happily live to serve each other. This is a tone set by the parents of course who are themselves very selfless and gentle. These large families are the hope for the future. Their kids know what it is to live in community. They have to wait their turn. They are an inspiration for me. They are still totally normal families with bickering and bedtime BS but overall it is so positive and life affirming.
FWIW, I found this a lovely article. I don't have kids and, at age 66, am still happy with that decision. But I am equally happy that those who DO want kids and treat them right---an important must---have all they can handle and then some. I enjoy being around large families, there's a life spark that's fun and stimulating. But for me, living in my own head works fine. There is no "right" call on this issue, there's only what works for you. Looking down on anyone for having kids or not having kids is sad.
“But those arguing for protecting the Earth by not making babies are just existing on Earth, not living in it.”....OMG, I love this statement so much! I have only one child (two miscarriages after her, and then too old), but she is by far the best decision I’ve ever made!
This post is making me cry. I enjoyed my three so very much and would have loved to have more. My fortunate husband had five and loved every minute. I adore my four grandkids and his twelve. I just picked up "How to Destroy Western Civilization" and the first paragraphs states that the only way to save it is to have more children! Baby boomers and those who came after were sold a bill of goods by the anti-family culture. "Marriage is a trap set by women." "Children are a burden." Before Hugh Hefner and the resource Nazis, marriage and children were considered life's greatest blessings. Men were thrilled that they could "win" the prize of a woman who would agree to be their wife. Thank you for your wisdom, courage, and clear grasp of reality in these fuzzy, doomsday-oriented days.
All the best to you, Bethany and your growing family. My husband and I have raised four children and it has been the greatest joy and honor of my life. They are grown now and are just lovely people that I love spending time with as much as possible. Children are a gift from God and mine continually make me a better person. Enjoy every moment. The days are long but somehow the years go fast.
What a joyous piece. God bless you all!
What a joyous piece. God bless you all!
Great....now not having a busload of kids is "woke."