When I was young, I was overweight—and I wasn’t allowed to forget it. From clothing-store clerks saying, “He’s husky,” to family friends noting, “You’ve got a spare tire there, buddy” as they poked my belly, I was constantly reminded about the fact.
My mother put me on a diet, much to the dismay of my Jewish grandmother who, true to the stereotype, delighted in stuffing me with my favorite foods from fried chicken to chocolate pie. To her, I was fine just the way I was and shouldn’t be deprived of my deepest cravings.
But if I had been an overweight child today, my mom might very well have agreed with my grandmother. She might not have even dared raise the issue out of fear of fat-shaming me and triggering an eating disorder.
Such thinking is now in vogue largely because influencers and activists warn that focusing on body size exacerbates weight stigma and inflicts lifelong emotional and physical damage in kids. They preach that parents should not try to manage a child’s weight or even limit how much junk food they eat. Prominent “fat activist” Virginia Sole-Smith explained her approach to The New York Times this way: “What happens when your kid goes on a play date to my house? I can tell you. Your kid eats nine Oreos.”
Ironically, some medical experts can have the same effect when they imply—or even say out loud—that what we weigh is beyond our control. In an effort to promote weight-loss drugs like semaglutide, doctors and pharmaceutical companies are increasingly framing obesity as a disease, one that’s strictly a matter of biology and genetics. Parents who hear this may reasonably conclude Why bother? when faced with the challenge of getting an overweight child to eat better and move more.
But biology isn’t destiny. Developing healthy habits in early childhood and maintaining them throughout life can help head off obesity—even though our obesogenic environment of large portions, ultra-processed foods, and sedentary lifestyles makes it challenging to do so.
I discuss much of this with Emily Oster in episode 3 of her new Free Press podcast, Raising Parents:
One topic we explore is how parents of overweight kids can encourage a positive relationship with food. My first piece of advice? Avoid restrictive diets. They don’t work—and they can make the problem even worse. When a person severely cuts calories to shed extra pounds, the body often responds with an increased appetite and slowed metabolism, driving weight up even further in a misdirected effort to protect us from starvation—leading to a cycle of failure and shame.
Instead, children should be encouraged to eat mainly whole foods, including colorful fruits, veggies, beans, nuts, seeds, fish, lean poultry, and whole grains. Involving kids in grocery shopping and cooking their own food gives them a sense of agency, and will get them excited about eating well. And using cookie cutters to slice fruits and vegetables into fun shapes like hearts and stars, or serving veggies with dips, can make these foods more enticing.
There’s no need to banish treats. Better to incorporate them into meals, in limited amounts (say, a cookie or two for dessert), and on special occasions like birthday parties and holidays. And try to limit serving chips, hot dogs, frozen pizza, bacon, and fried foods to once or twice a week. Keeping unhealthy foods—like sugary drinks or cereals—out of the house, or at least reducing their quantity, is smart, too. The idea is to turn ultra-processed junk foods into occasional indulgences rather than regular staples.
Encouraging more movement is important, too—but how to do that in the age of screen addiction? My suggestion: Have a regular game day on weekends where the entire family enjoys a fun, physical activity out of the house, like hiking or bike riding. Added bonus? When parents are part of the solution, reinforcing it and practicing what they preach, they will be healthier, too. (The diet my mom put me on didn’t work, but she did encourage me to be physically active, which carried over into adulthood. Today, I exercise daily, eat right, and maintain a healthy weight.)
In short, if you address a child’s weight issue with sensitivity, through the prism of health and fun rather than punishment, you can make incremental change that eventually becomes permanent.
What’s crucial is that parents tackle the issue. Doing nothing could be fatal.
I know from personal experience that weight stigma can be hurtful. But the potential dangers of being overweight are even greater.
As the obesity rate among children and adolescents in the U.S. has quadrupled over the past 40 years (to about 20 percent today), a growing number of kids are being diagnosed with adult conditions such as high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and fatty liver disease. Kids with obesity are also more prone to asthma, sleep apnea, and orthopedic problems, and are at increased risk of cardiovascular disease, certain cancers, and premature death when they grow up.
What’s more, 80 percent of obese adolescents become obese adults. By then, they face all of those serious health risks along with a host of others, including arthritis, dementia, and kidney disease. People who have obesity are also more likely to suffer from depression.
Body positivity activists often try to downplay or deny these dangers. Their frequent argument—that the large body of research tying obesity to bad health outcomes is simply correlational—is akin to tobacco companies’ past claims that there is no proven link between smoking and lung cancer.
Parents need to wake up to the national crisis we face. Children who are overweight should not be ignored or indulged but encouraged to find the joy in eating and living well. Their very lives—and their happiness—depend on it.
Robert J. Davis is the host of The Healthy Skeptic video series and author of Supersized Lies: How Myths About Weight Loss Are Keeping Us Fat—and the Truth About What Really Works.
You can listen to the latest episode of “Raising Parents with Emily Oster” on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Use common sense here: disagree, debate, but don't be a .